➥ the world went up in flames ; and i looked away | fail!private

[tributed]

I never thought I'd hear myself say something like 'I miss those days' because I never thought there'd be days to miss. Of course I miss the days with my father but... I've stopped trying to dwell on that as much. But I miss the days before the Games. Ridiculous as that sounds.

I look at myself sometimes and I don't recognize me anymore. Sometimes I feel like me. On those days that I can really forget the past six months.

But those days don't ever last. I can't ever really forget.

It's like I'm fighting a losing battle with myself every day. One step forward some days, twelve steps back the next.

Where am I even going anymore?

Comments

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

Katniss... I don't think that's such a ridiculous idea. I might not have been a part of them but I know I'd love to go back if I was.

You're still my Catnip though. You always will be.

...want me to come find you?

[tributed]

... This wasn't supposed to be visible.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

Sorry... it's visible. I mean it though. If you want to talk, even if you just want company, I'm here for you, all right?

[tributed]

I was just trying to organize some things in my head.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

You should do that more often. Sometimes it helps. Don't forget you have friends too though.

[tributed]

I know I do. I just don't want to talk about it.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

I worry about you, Katniss. The less you talk, the more I worry.

[tributed]

Somethings people can't talk about, Gale.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

Then what can I do? I'm your best friend, I'm not going to just leave you like this.

[tributed]

There's nothing to do about it.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

Let me spend some time with you, Katniss. Please?

[tributed]

I'm not saying you can't. I'm saying there's not going to be some moment where we sit down and I spill my guts out to you.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

All right. And I'm saying let me be there for you if talking isn't going to happen. Use me as a punchbag if you want. I don't mind. Whatever you want.

[tributed]

I don't want any of that. I'm not a break down waiting to happen.

[burnthecapitol.livejournal.com]

Of course you're not, I know you're stronger than that.

Maybe I just want to see you.

[tributed]

We can do that.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

... You live. And then one day maybe it won't hurt so much anymore.

[tributed]

This isn't anything to worry about Prim.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

You always say that.

[tributed]

It's always true.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

I'm always going to be here. And you're always going to be able to talk to me.

[tributed]

You just don't need to know some things.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

You don't need to deal with some things by yourself.

[tributed]

Go be a kid, Prim.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

Only if you come, too.

[tributed]

It's a little late for me to be a kid.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's a little late for all of us.

[tributed]

Not for you, though.

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

[she just sighs]

[tributed]

[She loves you, Prim. Really.]

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

[SHE LOVES YOU FOREVER KATNISS ;__; DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF]

[tributed]

[GOD WHAT IS THAT FACE PRIM?!]

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

[THE FACE THAT GUILTS YOU FOREVER]

[tributed]

[THAT FACE IS HORRIBLE]

[supplanted.livejournal.com]

[at least it's not this]